Mighty Man Will Lanicek

Cancer. Our child has cancer. He hasn’t even said his first word and he has cancer. He hasn’t had the chance to say a cuss word or ask the Lord for forgiveness. He is just a baby and he has cancer. It is overwhelming, scary, faith-seeking, and a humbling experience.

In the past two weeks, our lives have been forever changed. We know there is more to come and we are learning our new normal day by day. I feel like a helicopter mom calling the oncologist nurse every day for reassurance that Will throwing up and daily diarrhea are ok. I obsess over every word they tell us. If his temperature rises, if his mood changes, if he sneezes, coughs, throws up… and low and behold he does all the above.

We’ve gone through so many thermometers trying to find the most accurate one. This baby is on more medication than we’ve probably taken in our lifetime. I constantly question everything and wonder what’s next. A part of me looks forward to our hospital stays to know he is ok 24/7 and to not annoy the oncology office with my daily calls. I look forward to seeing Will’s doctor every day we are in the hospital instead of seeing a nurse practitioner or another oncology partner. I know these people are experts and Dr. Ray trusts them to make decisions in Will’s care. I just can’t help but want Will’s actual doctor to say he is doing well, to feel his tumor and tell us it is shrinking, to discuss the next steps, and most of all reassure us.

It is all so much. We are blessed that my mom moved in with us to help care for Will when he was born. I didn’t want him going to daycare because I didn’t want him to get sick. The irony. Even with three adults in the house, it is a lot. I do not want to leave Will out of my sight for even 5 minutes. I want two people to be with him at all times. It is scary not knowing what will happen or when it will happen.

Last night was hard because Will had congestion and babies cannot blow their noses. We used the NoseFrida multiple times and he still cried with frustration from a stuffy nose. Sleep was not in the cards. We unhooked his feeding tube and Billy walked him around the house and he threw up. Immediately after he was smiling. It is hard to tell when he is sick, when we should call the doctor, or when we should go to the ER. His nurses always ask if he is in pain, it’s pretty hard to tell if a six-month-old chemo baby that is teething and has a pacifier addiction is in pain or if he just wants a paci.

Needless to say, please continue praying for us. Pray for Will to have good days and restful nights. Pray that his digestive system recovers from whatever havoc is going on in there and he returns to normal dirty diapers. Pray for his nausea and vomiting. Pray his tumor is shrinking. Pray the surgeons can safely remove the tumor and the chemo is 100% effective at killing the cancer. Pray his side effects from chemo are minimal. Pray for the nurses and doctors working with Will and answering all my pleas for help and advice. Pray he is able to keep bottles and foods down soon and the feeding tube can be removed.